My mom called me while I was at work: Hello, I’d like to speak with the president.



Me: OK, can I pencil you in for Janember 42nd? That is when she’ll be available.

via Tumblr http://wits-end.tumblr.com/post/66310116633 on November 07, 2013 at 03:55PM

I love it when people walk into Elynn's office, then walk back out, maybe once or twice, and then they actually come tell me she's not here.

As expected, I'm behind on the reportings of my mistaken identity, but it has also been quiet for a while. I was starting to think that maybe people had realized I wasn't a secretary.

Wrong. Now it has escalated.

It was one thing to walk by my desk to get to Elynn's office, and then ask me why Elynn is unreachable. Understandable, even. I do sit right outside her office, guardian of the door, community candy bowl and all.

It's another thing to corner me in the bathroom. At least I was on my way out, I suppose. But I still had to stand there awkwardly through this:

Her: Is Elynn here today?

Me: uh, she was but she left now (I said as I started going for the door)

Her: It seems like her door was closed all day.

Umm are you questioning me now?

Me: She got in late and then she had a closed door meeting with the editor for a while.

Then she went on to say that she had some important documents to give Elynn and that maybe she would "send her an email and then slide them under her door." Not sure of she wanted me to offer to give them to her or what but I said okay and left. Then she just came by "as promised" and put them under the door.

The Worst Secretary is back, I guess.

In keeping with being a terrible “secretary”, I have fallen behind already on reporting the incidents involving my mistaken identity. 

A few minutes ago, the president closed her door to take a phone call. Just now, someone came by looking for her.

Person: “Do you know who she is in there with?”

Me: “Actually, she’s on the phone.” Nailed it.

Person: “You’re starting to get good at knowing these things.”

Apparently, my reputation precedes me.

In other news, I’m thinking of making a tip jar to put on my desk. Good idea?

Spoiler Alert: It's me. Another spoiler alert: It's because I'm not a secretary; I'm a graphic designer.

Long story short, my department's cubicles filled up and I got moved to the desk right outside the president's office. I'm farther from my group, which is kind of sad, but Felix and I have windows now. With a view of downtown Austin. But with a great view comes great responsibility. As Felix is a cactus, all the responsibility falls on me, and it is outside of my graphic designer skill set. Because of my proximity to the president's office, I do appear to be her secretary.

I'd like to take a moment here and say: there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a secretary, and I'm not insulted by being confused for one at all. It's just not what I do. In fact, I don't want to insult secretaries by appearing to be a bad one. I'd say my people skills are rusty, but that implies that I had them at some point, which is not the case. I mean, I can e-mail with the best of them and I have a constant typing speed of over 100 wpm, but I know there's a lot more that goes into it.

It took me a little bit to realize what was happening. People would come by looking for Elynn and start talking to me about it when she wasn't there. I figured they were just making polite conversation since I was right there, and maybe they wanted some of the candy I had put out. But then the exchanges grew weirder. And I realized I sounded like a snarky, careless sitcom secretary. The troll that guards the bridge to the president's office.

And now it's a thing. So I can be further entertained at work. But I can't go too far with it because some of these people don't work here.When she's gone, people always ask me where she is or when she'll be back and most of the time I didn't even notice she left, so all I can say is that I don't know...
Or when she has her door closed, people ask if she's in a meeting or busy or if they can go in and Elynn never says anything to me so I just say sure... and hope for the best.
Earlier this week, someone asked if she was in a meeting and when she would be available. I tried to be better and checked her Outlook calendar. It was blank.
Elynn did tell me she'd be out the rest of this week, so it's been pretty quiet.
This morning someone came by though...

Them (an actual employee): Elynn said I could look through her inbox for the new Business Insider.

Me: Umm, okay. Why are you telling me? I really don't care or need to know. 
Them: Is this her inbox?
Me:
I guess so. I mean it has her initials and says inbox. No one taught me these things!
Them: It's not there.

Me:... I'm sorry.

I would love to be more helpful, but I'm not sure I can be without taking on a second job. The second time someone came by was better though...

Them, seeing the closed door: Oh, is Elynn out?

Me: YES! I know this one! Yes, she's out all day today.

I do enjoy the extra entertainment at work though, and it makes me feel like BBC Sherlock's Anthea

Which is pretty cool. Except instead of a phone it's my computer screen, and sadly, no Martin Freeman.
I'm still waiting for Matthew Maconahey to stop by.