--before I really knew anyone. Lunch just ended, so I was on my way back to pre-algebra, and I held the door open for whoever was behind me. Since everyone was coming at the same time, I ended up holding the door for most everyone else, but I didn't really mind. I mean, I wasn't going to let go, because, with my luck, the door would smack someone in the face, maybe break his or her nose, or somehow break my own nose (my luck, I'm telling you!). As I am (finally) going to my seat, this girl said something that I've always remembered. I guess it was supposed to be advice, but it had the opposite effect on me. She said that she used to be nice like me, too, but when you're nice like that, people just walk all over you. Knowing her, she was saying to no go out of my way for other people because they'll end up taking advantage. Maybe she was right. But I reacted the opposite way. I was fine with the idea of being people's doormat. In fact, I almost wanted to be someone's doormat. I figured, as long as I know, as long as I am allowing people to use or take advantage of my small favors, it would be okay. Because I was letting them, I was in control, and I could stop whenever I felt it was too much. So I guess her advice helped in a way. I don't know where I was going with this. I guess, nine years later, it's starting to take its toll. But I don't want to stop - actually, I don't think I could stop, because I would feel too guilty. I don't think that I've done a good job of the whole doormat thing necessarily, but oh well, whatever.
